My Intestinal Friend

WARNING: TMI (too much information)

I may or may not have an amoeba. You'd think they would want to confirm that or something. But I am just happy to be highly medicated. Warning.

I may or may not have an amoeba. You'd think they would want to confirm that or something. But I am just happy to be highly medicated.
One month ago...

Chest pain, I must be having a heart attack or something. Oh wait, it only happens when I eat oranges. Shit, what am I going to do if I can't eat oranges? I mean, it's orange season, there aren’t really many other options.

A trip to the capital, an endoscopy, an ultimate walk of shame, diagnosis: a lesion in my esophagus, gastritis and possible bile reflux condition (my doctors don't seem to agree).

So although I was being treated, and my little lesion seemed to be healing up nicely (thanks to my diet of no fat, no acid, no carbonation, no alcohol and basically nothing delicious), but my tummy was a rumbling.

You might be phased if you looked down mid squat and realized that your poo was a strange shade of red. I however, blame it on the beets. Then again, you don't squat when you poo, so it's hard to make a comparison in general.

But the poo went from red, to yellow, to this is too much information I'm sorry. But FYI the consistency changed too... and let’s just say it wasn't getting firmer or less urgent.

And the stomach aches. Oh the stomach aches. I mean, I have always been a belly weakling. I cry nausea on a daily basis. But not nausea like this. This was debilitating, gassy to the point that I think I might be fired and my boyfriend might leave me, can't do anything but sit in bed nausea.

So I finally, after a month, decided it was time to check in with the doc.

And so I have spent the last week in the capital. Normally, a week in Maputo is a week of walking from here to kingdom come, eating ice cream everyday and rummaging through every used clothing vendor I can find for the latest wardrobe must have (my standards have dropped a little since living in the states... but then again I have always loved a good bargain find. And really, you can't beat a $1 mango sweater and some rip-off brand sexy skinnies).

But this week there was none of that. I was in bed, living on crackers and Gatorade, and trying (maybe not so successfully) not to poop my pants, and to collect "samples" of basically all bodily excretions. Yum.
The results. One doctor says it must be an intestinal infection. The other is crying amoeba. And they are both throwing meds at the problem. Hallelujah!

But I feel better already! So here’s to regular bowel movements and intestinal friends.