You know you've been in Mozambique too long when…

26 March

I haven’t made a list in while, so there is no time like the present.

And I suppose I wouldn't say I have been here too long, because I finally feel like I sort of know what I am doing – perhaps not in terms of teaching, because I am pretty sure I am a total space-cadet, nut-job in the classroom – but in terms of life, I have a routine, and friends, and I am for the first time in months just generally happy in my little African world.

But in my long and at times slightly agonizing adjustment period, there are certain little Mozambican-isms that I have picked up. Most of them I used to find incredibly strange. Ok, down right infuriating.

Reasons one might refer to me as that weird white Mozambican lady:

1. I am nosey. What are you doing? What are you cooking? Who are you talking to?

2. I am incredibly bossy. Ok, more than I was in America. For example, I told my neighbor today that he needed to wash his shoes. Who just tells their neighbor to wash their shoes? Mozambicans. That's who. I also told him to iron his shirt. And that he was mashing avocado wrong. But he was doing it with a spoon and not a fork… that just isn’t the way to make your spread silky smooth.

3. I wash my shoes.

4. I iron almost all of my clothes almost every day.

5. I iron my sheets. I really held off on this one. I mean, you just sleep on your sheets, and they are going to get wrinkly again, so what is the point. I am still torn, because sheets are large and cumbersome and the whole ironing process takes ages… but my bed just looks so crisp and beautiful with freshly pressed sheets.

6. I drink about 17 cups of tea a day. Although, I will not be truly considered Mozambican until I add 17 spoonfuls of sugar to each cup. I am literally laughed from the table at tea time for my pitiful little mini-spoonful. Just imagine when I try to throw some Splenda into the mix.

7. I take a bath at least two times a day. Although this excessive bathing is starting to diminish a tad as the weather turns colder. Note: at the moment it is 7:30 pm, and already dark and cold and my roommate just accusingly asked me if I had taken my second banho yet. This is exactly why I am nosey and bossy and bathe too much.

8. I swear we are entering another ice age whenever the temperature drops below 70 degrees. But if you took outdoor cold water baths you would too.
   

9. I sat at my neighbor’s house for a good hour watching Bon Jovi and Scorpion videos. And actually sort of enjoyed it. Who knew that Bon Jovi did a show with Pavarotti?

10. I scoff at people for wearing flip-flops outside of the house. This coming from the girl that used to wear flip-flops, in Oregon, in the rain, all winter. Like I literally look down accusingly at peoples feet as they walk past. And if we are in school, I tell them that I am offended by their lack of respect. Since when are feet offensive? Not sure. But I am going with the Mozambican flow.