My So Called Life

I am pretty sure that “My So Called Life” involved Claire Danes recounting her tales of the ever so awkward teenage years. I never actually watched any of those “Party of Five” era shows. I’m not sure where I was, those may have been a few of the many childhood years spent without cable, or I was obsessing over horses and learning to drive pony carts, or I was perhaps living with my family in Israel, but this – as well as the general nerdyness you might be sensing –led to some serious social ostracism when I couldn’t participate in the teeny-bopper 90210 reminiscing.

Anyway, I am not an awkward teenager, but I have been away from the communication realm for a while so here is a little taste of the African soap opera that is my real life… ie whats been a happnin.

A nasty virus took my computer down, along with all programs and files. My CD/DVD drive is also broken… which makes re-installing programs difficult. In other words: no internet. No movies. And only some Portuguese language, Celine Dion, and Lil Wayne music I have managed to scrounge up.

My physical health hasn’t been much better. First, a bug entered my foot and laid an egg sack, which turned into shooting pains throughout my leg. This left me basically wailing through the night when I just so happened to be at Iraque’s family’s house in Xai-Xai. If they doubted my craziness before, my tearful antics surely confirmed it.

Then just days after Iraque so lovingly operated on my foot, and ripped out the egg sack, I quickly fell quite ill with what could really only have been some sort of parasite. I had fevers of 102+ for about 4 days. A combo of ibuprofen, Tylenol, and lying naked with wet towels draped over my body would bring my temperature down for about an hour or two, before swiftly spiking back up. I was pretty sure I had typhoid fever (this is what having medical books does to me. I start looking up my symptoms and assuming I am like a leper or something).

I also pooped blood (which I know is TMI, but it was scary. So I just had to share.) But luckily, five days of Cipro knocked that little bugger right out of my intestine.

Five days in bed was awfully boring without a working DVD drive. I mostly stared at the ants climbing up my wall, and wondered why they stay in such perfect lines.

I also burned my bum with an iron. We had a sewing party, the iron was left plugged in on the floor. One thing led to another, I sat on the floor and BAM. I think I am going to have a scar.

Yesterday I found a dead frog in my lettuce. Normally, even frogless, I bleach my lettuce just to be safe. But I was out of bleach, and really wanted salad, so I just washed the leaves like 7 times and hoped all the dead frog germs magically disappeared.


I recently took the next step in the relationship, and gave my embregada a key to my house. I haven’t told my roommate yet. They don’t get along, but I’m not sure why. Actually, it’s probably because my roommate is not a very friendly person in general. Hopefully my embregada doesn’t steal anything.

Took another home-test, happy to say I am still HIV negative.

Another bout of possible intestinal parasite. Gut-wrenching stomach pains, almost fainting, almost vomiting, Victoria falls out the bum... maybe it had something to do with the dead frog. And unfortunately this happened all while Julia was here for a visit. I wasn’t the best hostess.

I have learned from personal experience that the reason you gain weight in Africa is so you can get sick, lose 5-10 pounds in a week, and not die. Although those were a few glorious days, no worries, I am already gaining it back.

I lost my phone… again. This time it was totally my own damn fault. Beach season is just beginning. So after a fabulous day of sun and sand at the beach here in Chidenguele with Julia, we were making the trek back to my house, luckily hitched a ride with my school director who was on his way back from buying fish. Well, not so luckily, my phone must have fallen out of my pocket or something, because it’s long gone. I might refuse to buy another one. I will send you Iraque’s phone number or something.

I have threatened to fail two different students in two different classes if they ask me to marry them one more time.

Today as I was grilling some fresh fish I realized that for delicious, fresh, wild caught, ocean yummyness fish, I pay less than $1 per pound. Jealous?

Then again, I usually make my purchases from a random man walking past my house with a bucket of fish and a hand-scale. Then I have to de-scale, de-organ, de-fin, de-eyeball, etc before frying/grilling the fish whole. It makes you wonder, how do they even do “boneless-skinless” in America?