And I'm Back! ... With A Meditation on Matapa

"Do they have Matapa in America? Like is it common to go to a restaraunt and see Matapa on the menu?"

Matapa basically consists of finally pounded greens (like collard greens, but without that bitter-ish taste. Instead the Moz greens actually sort of taste like Marijuana).

The pounded greens are boiled for an hour or two, until soft and tender for eating. Then a heck of a lot of ground raw peanuts are added, and the milk of one or two coconuts.

Considering it is Mozambique, the peanuts are not in fact ground, but hand pounded. First, the little Mozambican woman gets out her pilao, which looks like a giant wooden vase, and adds her kilo or so of raw peanuts along with a cup of rice to absorb excess peanut moisture. Then, she takes a stick, or rather a giant wooden rod, which, when placed upright on the ground would reach to about her breasts. In reality though, she would never place her rod on the ground unless she really likes sand in her food.

To pound the peanuts, the woman thrusts the rod up, and forces it to plummet down into the vase of peanuts, ocassionally using a wicker sifter to separate the finely ground peices from those still needing more battering.

To make coconut milk, the little Mozambican woman opens the coconut (usually by banging it on a rock), drains/drinks the water that is inside, and shaves the meat from the inside using a relador. The relador is basically a little wooden stool with a metal blade nailed to one end for shaving coconut into coco pulp. She then soaks the meat for a few minutes in hot water, before massaging out the creamy white milk and straining the pulp. The result is a thick, sweet, coconut milk (like you can buy in a can in America. But better.)

The matapa simmers with the milk, ground peanuts plus some salt, powdered msg filled chicken stock, and one chopped onion for another hour or two. Finally, after about half a days worth of work and a serious upper-body workout, vooala, green goop ready to plop on rice and eat.

You can make basically any leafy vegetable in the same manner - Pumpkin leaves are my personal favorite, but you can also use sweet potato leaves, black eyed pea leaves, etc.

Ok, but lets be honest. I don't pilar. So my peanuts are pounded for me, as are the matapa leaves. But I grind that coconut like it's nobody's business. Seriously, make yourself a coco grinding stool and try it, you will break a sweat and notice mysterious biceps appear after finishing a few cocos.

So no, we certainly don't have Matapa in America. In fact, Mozambique's prized cuisine seems limited only to this country. And in the end, I am ok with that. Not that I don't enjoy the creamy green slop. But really, it's like the work equivalent of cooking an entire thanksgiving dinner including pie, but not as tasty.