The Burned One

WARNING: Though I have become a wise, learned,insightful, integrated, seasoned... (basically I am wonderful) Peace Corps Volunteer, this post was written in the heat of frustration, and is a gross generalization of Mozambican culture, manners, and all that jazz.

Perhaps I am just a blabbering old hippie. I mean, I do run around my classrooms throwing discipline out the window and encouraging love, free thinking, and the questioning of authority. Next thing you know we will be making field trips out to hug coconut trees.

But I miss the old days of eccentrically taste budded compatriots, where there was always someone that liked the burned piece of chicken skin, the heel of the bread loaf, the skin of the potato, or the extra crispy french fry. (I myself am the potato skin girl... not like the dish which involves fried potato skins with bacos, I am certainly NOT the bacos girl, I prefer to avoid chemically engineered meats. I'm talking about the skin of the baked potato. Put a little cottage cheese or chili on that thing and yuuuuuuu-meeeeeeee. )

Despite the immense heterogeneity of dance, music, traditions, religion, ethnic groups, standards of living, etc in this country, Mozambicans – to inappropriately stereotype a massive country – suffer from a fear of the new and different.

Now I am not really talking about xenophobia, or a rejection of globalization and development. Come on, the love of Lil Wayne and Celine Dion in this country proves that Mozambicans aren't exactly afraid of other countries or cultural influences in an obvious way.

Really, I am talking more about a one, singular, universal, If you don't know you are silly and must be taught, way of doing things. For example, all potatoes are peeled. There shall be no skins eaten. Ever. Everyone has the same bucket systems. Everyone washes their clothes and dishes the same way. Everyone makes rice, cuts pineapples, and prepares tomato sauce in the same manner. Ok, I am exaggerating, some people are rebels and don't peel and de-seed tomatoes when they make salad. But that is a rarity.

There is also a wide-spread fear of diarrhea which I think provokes this need to peel, deseed and overcook everything. It's a legitimate fear, but I am pretty sure your diarrhea has less to do with the manner in which you cook your veggies, and more to do with dirty water and a certain lack of hygiene (ie not using soap to wash the raw fish covered bowl, and using the dirty rag, the dirty bucket, and the dirty water to wash both the floor, the table and the inside of MY refridgerator. Also, one time my roommate put sand on our table because it has a dip in the middle which allows water to collect. I am pretty sure buggy sand is worse than water. I mean really, why didn't you just wipe the darn thing. But again, who am I to teach you any lessons. )

Forget deliciously crunchy tidbits of burned skin, your chicken can't even have griller marks without being dubbed the black sheep and socially ostricized. It isn't beautiful. Good thing you don't have a visitor because you couldn't serve that chicken to them.

I hate social rules. Thus I have one thing to say to you Mozambique: If I am giving you something, shut up, take it, and act grateful.

Initially Iraque didn't understand my ways, and insisted on evaluating every meal I cooked for him.

You didnt boil it long enough. I prefer not to eat limp, flavorless, overcooked veggies thank you.

Good but not enough salt. Go drink the ocean then.

You cut the potatoes wrong. Are you kidding me?

The rice isn't fluffy enough. I'll fluff your rice bucko.

There is some seasoning in this that isn't right. Care to be more specific?

It's good, but it isn't beautiful. You aren't beautiful.

It's ok, you're still learning. Please, since you are a horrible cook, do enlighten me.

But after a few lessons, he has learned. If you want me to cook everyday, shut up and eat it. Better yet, throw in a compliment now and then.

Now, I leave you with one little tidbit to ponder, lets call this the Mozambican riddle:

Why is it worse to get soap in the drinking water than it is to get raw fish juice in the drinking water?

If you know the answer please let me know because I still don't understand my roommates angry, haranguing, logic.