Experiment: The Results ie How to Eat Rotting Meat

My hypothesis (Do not eat rotting meat) though a catchy phrase, was in fact wrong… sort of.

Procedure:

• · Remove the massive hunk of bone, meat, and cow butthole from the freezer.
• · Let cow products sit for about 30 minutes to defrost just enough that you can saw at them with a knife, but not long enough that the smell and flies multiply exponentially.
• · Take a massive knife, and begin to saw.
• · During your sawing, first attempt to remove rotting parts.
• · Identify rotting parts by locating any orange goo or brownish grey meat.
• · If you at any point question if the level of rot is edible, smell the meat. If you can stomach the reek, you can stomach the beef.
• · Get in there and saw that beef down to the bone.
• · Once you get elbow deep, there should be some delightfully ruddy chunks.
• · Throw away the cow butthole when your boyfriend/husband isn’t looking.
• · COOK THOROUGHLY ALL BEEF BEFORE EATING!!!
• · Enjoy your meal.
• · Prepare toilet paper in case of subsequent diarrhea (Although, in my experiment, I did not experience this outcome, you can’t be too careful when it comes to diarrhea).

And to think, as a teenager I wouldn’t touch raw meat. Not even chicken. When forced to lend a hand to my mother’s culinary endeavors, I would put zip-lock bags on my hands before handling the peculiarly firm but gooey raw protein of choice.

I miss tofu.