10 Things I hate about Mozambique

29 December 2008

So I am in a Debbie Downer mood today because it is ridiculously hot, I am sick, and my sewing projects have lost their entertainment value – now I just get angry because I keep pricking myself with the freaking needle. So these are the things that really bother me about living in this beautiful country:
1. Constant sickness. I have this interminable feeling in my stomach like I am just on the verge of vomiting, but I never actually do throw up. I really sort of wish I would just puke it up and get it over with. I probably have a parasite or intestinal worm or something.
2. Constant sweatiness due to the ridiculous heat. December is the month of the devil.
3. Constant dirtiness, because dirt/sand/bugs stick to my sweatiness and I can never never never scrub it all off no matter how many times a bathe in a day.
4. It gets so hot that my rubber flip flops start to melt and burn my feet, and all I want is a cold refreshing refresco/cerveja… but since the power only works here some of the time, I have to settle for a lukewarm bebida. And since December is devilishly hot, the tepid drink quickly becomes downright warm in my hand in about 2.6 minutes.
5. There are bugs in everything. In my beans, in my pasta, in my rice, in my flour, in my bed, in my casa de banho, in my clothes, in my shoes, EVERYWHERE. It grosses me out that I am just used to eating them now. But what else can you do? NADA. Also, I have two geckos living in my house. They are really darn cute, but shit everywhere. There is now gecko poo on everything I own.
6. Being stared/pointed/laughed at. It happens constantly.
7. Being proposed to.
8. While talking to or making friends with a Mozambican man, I can’t stop thinking that he is just talking to me because he wants to have sex with me… and that my suspicion is usually confirmed when they ask if I want to “pasear,” which literally means to take a walk but I guarantee he doesn't plan on doing any walking, or if they can come visit me at my house. NADA. Although I suppose you could often say the same about American men.
9. The South Africans who refuse to put a shirt over their big fat hairy bellies.
10. I am becoming cynical… Although I guess my naively positive bubble needed to burst one of these days.