How To: Mop a Mozambican Floor

1. Sweep floor to get rid of excess sand, bugs, food, etc.
2. Find a bucket, and fill it about half way with water. Now, remember that this bucket is going to be used to clean the floor, and post-mop it is going to be coated in sandy brown goop water, so make sure it isn’t one you use to bathe yourself, wash your clothes, or wash dishes in. (meaning that in Mozambique you need quite an array of buckets, to accommodate your daily needs).
   
3. Add some form of soap to the water - laundry detergent or dish soap works well, just don't add too much or you will have a sudsy slippery mess. Also, you can add bleach if you're really trying to disinfect that baby.
   
4. Select an old t-shirt or capulana, again keeping in mind its brown watery gunky future, and dunk said cloth item in the bucket of water.
5. Remove cloth item from bucket, wring a bit of the excess water out, and place on the floor.
6. Now here is where Mozambican style comes in – stick your bum REALLY high in the air as you bend over.
7. Begin in one corner, and work your way to the other side of the room, maintaining as much bum altitude as possible, and shaking that thing back and forth as you use your hands to work the cloth over the floor.
8. Dunk and wring the cloth as needed throughout the process.
9. Don't forget to also high-bum mop the porch and stairs outside as well, otherwise your neighbors will comment on your lack of limpeza.
   

I have chosen to battle my middle class American guilt by doing housework while Dorcia, my embregada, carts my water and washes my clothes. Yes, I am paying the woman to come two days a week, and I should just let her do the work. But really, am I supposed to lay in bed or porch-sit while she sweats? So I did the dishes and ‘mopped’ my floor. I also have started giving her extra veggies that I won’t be able to finish before they spoil (because things last about 24 hours in this heat, and yet you pay 10mtn for like 50 kilos of potatoes. “Can I just pay 5mtn and get half” “Não”).

But the key to mopping Mozambican style is really the bum in the air. In fact, bum altitude is key also when washing clothes and working in the farm (which involves a lot of clawing at the ground with a little hand-held hoe). I am in desperate need of a photo so you all can really grasp the posture.