Test Day is the Best Day

I think my favorite part of being a teacher, is giving tests. There is something so endearing about how students squinch up their faces when they are thinking really hard.

But my favorite part of test day, a little game I like to call catch the cheater.

Ok, it is a bit awkward with my night classes because I am yelling at these 40 year old men to keep their eyes on their own paper. But during the day it is really fun.

It is me against a team of about sixty students. They have their strategies, I have mine. I think the key is to not stay in one place for too long. Keep moving. Keep them on their toes. Always guessing. The most fun is to stand in the back and watch the little African necks semi-discreetly crane around to see if I am watching. They should learn, I am always watching.

I see everything.

If someone asks for help, it is often a distraction tactic.

“Teacher teacher, I am not understanding well.”
“What?”
“Oh, um, well, what does this word mean in Portuguese?”
“I am not giving you the answer.”
“But I am just asking for help.”

I refrain from commencing a diatribe on how giving the Mozambican teens the answers in fact denies them an opportunity to learn and so hurts, rather then helps, them in the long run.

Diatribes take thought and concentration. My energy is better spent meticulously scanning the student’s eyes as they clandestinely creep away from the page in front of them. Especially since each little “will you help me” session enables a rampant spree of simultaneous hit and run, gorilla fighter style cheating.